So, you watch Comedy Central to get your news, you say? Then you're most likely familiar with one John Hodgman, of "The Daily Show" fame.
And you say you're a fan of "Judge Judy?" What's wrong with you??
In our second consecutive Maximum Fun podcast pick, we'd like to highlight this shimmering beacon of fake courtroom fun: Judge John Hodgman.
Like Judy, John hears ridiculous cases from neurotic laymen and rules in favor of some asinine premise (like whether or not to kill a house full of bats or if bad movies should be shown during a "bad movie" get together).
Unlike Judy, John's rulings have absolutely no legal standing and there's zero enforcement of his decisions. That being said, it sure is awesome to hear people bring disputes to Judge H. like what constitutes a certain star rating on a personal list of movies, and should girlfriends be allowed to partake in a local mud run.
The best parts of the podcast happen when John Hodgman legitimately laughs at something. You'll hear it coming. It will sound like this and will usually be prompted by bailiff Jesse Thorn:
Jesse: ...if he knows how to tie a bow tie correctly!
Silence...
John: ..... HA!
The amount of pretentious hipsters that manage to get on air are reason enough to listen. So go. Go listen to a few episodes. And please feel free to leave suggestions for podcasts in the comments section below!
How do Ricky Lake, Melanie Griffith, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Patty Hearst all fit together? The answer is "Cecil B. Demented."
This will be the first of a long string of Fabutrash films directed by the one and only John Waters. Waters was famous for his early '70s work that dropped jaws when people dropped trou. If you've seen "Pink Flamingos," then you'll know what makes John Waters a force to be reckoned with.
As the years went by, Waters gathered quite a big cult following, and he's managed to grab a few A-list actors to star in his B movies.
"Cecil B. Demented" follows a group of guerilla filmmakers, headed by Stephen Dorff, who set out to kidnap a stuffy actress, Melanie Griffith, and force her to star in their independent film.
They set Baltimore ablaze in chaos as they wreck family features and film council luncheons in order to get the perfect shot. And yes, Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the cute as a button Satan-worshipping Raven.
Waters puts his fascinations with Stockholm Syndrome to work as we watch Griffith's character Honey Whitlock turn from kidnapped bitch to ravenous indie maniac. There's even a scene that looks like it might as well be plucked from the life of Patty Hearst.
Patty Hearst, by the way, was lucky when John Waters decided to befriend her. She's had gigs acting in his films ever since.
But don't take my word for it. Check out for yourself the absolute Fabutrash that is the "Cecil B. Demented" preview.
You guessed it. A Waters' film like this can only get a five out of five Fabutrash rating. It's on iTunes. Go buy it. Watch it twice. Tell me how you feel afterward. If you don't instantly want to go blow up the nearest movie theater, then my advice would be to watch it again and again until you do.
If feminism and gay activism hooked up and had a child with A.D.H.D. and Tourette's syndrome, that baby would be "Throwing Shade."
How do I describe something as horrible and wonderful as "Throwing Shade?" There's no way I can do it justice through words. You must, must download a few episodes and listen for yourself.
You know that friend you have who needs to be wrangled all the time? You know who I'm talking about. It's that person who goes into theatrics over every little thing because he or she thinks it's entertaining. And there's always someone around to say, "OK, calm down now."
Well, "Homosensual" Bryan Safi (remember him from "That's Gay?" ...Yeah, me neither) is that person. He is wholly out of control, and I love it.
But you'd better believe when it's time for someone to jump in and tell Safi to settle down, you can bet your butt plug that "Feminasty" Erin Gibson will, well, do the exact opposite.
The two play so well together, and they fuel each other's flames. How on earth have I gotten this far in the article without mentioning what the podcast is actually about? Jesus, it's like Erin and Bryan are rubbing off on me.
So Gibson and Safi break down the week's news that pertains to "ladies and gays." When DOMA pops up and Republican politicians start ranting about "legitimate rape," the "Throwing Shade" duo is there to tell us why it sucks, and probably how to suck, and what sucking will get you, and how much the going rate per hour is for sucking, and then some other tangent.
This podcast gets five out of five Fabutrashes. It's hands-down my favorite podcast I've ever found. So go give them some love.
There's no disputing that one of the greatest (if not the greatest) bands of all time is The Beatles.
Their music is classic and covers such a wide variety of genres. There's at least five Beatles songs that can speak to any one person at any given time, and that's a statistical fact.
You can find a Beatles song to match any mood, and since their music is basically the soundtrack to our lives, then of course it's a good idea to string together all The Beatles' songs and make it into a story, right?
All the characters are there. Billy Shears, Strawberry Fields, Mean Mr. Mustard, Mr. Kite and even Lucy and the Diamonds. The story almost writes itself.
Which I think may have been what screenwriter Henry Edwards thought was going to happen when he decided to draft a rock opera of sorts complied of Beatles music. That movie is "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," and it is sill one of my all-time favorite pieces of crap to this day.
The story is about Billy Shears, played by Peter Frampton, who starts a band with his buddies Mark, Dave and Bob Henderson, otherwise known as the BeeGees. They form Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, which is actually a reboot of a band that was a staple in the town of Heartland, USA since the '20s.
The only speaking role throughout the whole film is George Burns as Mayor Kite. He narrates the whole thing so the audience doesn't get completely lost throughout the convoluted story that's the result of taking a bunch of songs and attempting to string them into a plot.
So Billy Shears and the Hendersons are offered a contract in Hollywood. They head out there as quick as their hot air balloon can take them, and as soon as they arrive, they meet Lucy and the Diamonds. Well, this is all grand for Billy, but what about Billy's love back at home? Poor Strawberry Fields!
Hollywood of course ends up corrupting the boys as much as Frampton and the BeeGees can be corrupted. Which translates to them getting drugged one night and tricked into signing a contract.
Well, while they're off making musical hits like "Oh, Darling," it turns out the villain of the movie, FVB, has recruited a slew of nasties to steal the original Sgt. Pepper's instruments because, you know... uh... that's what FVB does.
Said nasties include Frankie Howerd as Mean Mr. Mustard, a disgruntled real estate agent who takes over Heartland and turns it into the equivalent of Reno; Father Sun, a bestached Alice Cooper who brainwashes adults into worshipping money and hating love; and an odd and out-of-place Steve Martin as Dr. Maxwell, who transforms old, ugly people into beautiful young boy scouts.
And oh, FVB themselves are played by none other than Aerosmith. And if you think that's badass, then you'll probably faint from sheer badassery when you realize FVB stands for, wait for it, Future Villain Band!
Bam!
The music is the best part of this whole shebang. If you want to know what The Beatles might sound like during the age of disco, then "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"is for you. Stargard's rendition of "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" alone is worth all the glitter and and unitards in the world.
Peter Frampton and the Bee Gee's acting skills are so sub par that it makes community theater look like Broadway. And the costumes! Oh, the costumes. Simply writing about it doesn't do it justice at all. You have to see it to believe it.
Yeah. Image 113 minutes of that!
This film is so bad that's it's just wonderfully good. There's greed, drugs, RVs, wheelbarrows full of money, arcades, motorcycle gangs, singing manequins, "Star Wars" nods, giant spinning vinyl record beds, magic, singing robots, hookers and death. Oh, and this movie answers the age old question: "When you die, is your soul a completely different race?" The answer, my friends, is yes. Yes, it is. You'll know what I'm talking about when you get to the end of the flick.
"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" is getting a 3 1/2 out of 5 Fabutrash rating. I'm surprised there wasn't a sequel! I guess the filmmakers just decided to Let It Be.
Listen, if you and I are going to be friends, then there's something you'll need to know about me.
I'm addicted to HRF.
HRF, or Hollywood Royalty Fabutrash, is a drug that comes in the form of most wonderful actors' and actresses' attempts at staying relevant in their twilight years. This drug is usually produced by actors who love their art so much that they continue to take on roles, even if those roles are in campy and poorly-written whodunnits like "Berserk!"
And, ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Ms. Joan Crawford is one of the leading producers of HRF. Crawford is cemented into American culture because she was, indeed, a prodigious actress in her time, and titles like "Mildred Pierce" and "Grand Hotel" will live on in infamy.
And she even managed to crank out some pretty successful films in her later years. Just because she got old doesn't mean she got tired. I mean, look at "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" I personally think that's one of her best films and one of the greatest films of all time.
But enough about my hard-on for Joan. I want to get into the meat of this particular Fabutrash pick of the Week: "Berserk!"
The film follows the ringmaster of a travelling circus, played by Crawford. She's a whip-cracking task master to boot, and costume designer Jay Hutchinson Scott was obviously tasked with trying to make an aging Joan Crawford look sexy by putting her in some sort of Beyonce "Single Ladies" leotard that really accentuated Joan's huge head and mismatched petit body. Scott definitely failed. But this isn't about the costumes.
Crawford's character Monica Rivers is sort of down on her luck. Her show isn't doing that well and she's grasping at straws (or whips) to find some way to increase audience numbers. Then, people in her circus start dying.
As the saying goes, sex sells. But since live sex acts weren't about to be a part of Monica Rivers' circus (those would be performed with her young-enough-to-be-her-grandson boy toy behind closed doors), then I guess bizarre acts of violence had to take center ring, as it were.
But who's responsible for killing the circus performers while they're performing? Is it Monica Rivers' little sex slave? Is it the sex slave's jealous admirer? (That bitch!) Is it Monica herself?
All we know is someone is killing circus performers, and there's about a dozen suspects with just as many motives.
Now, this premise on its own actually isn't that bad. But the script, oh the script, makes "Berserk!" a piece of Hollywood trash that's been haphazardly frothed with gold spray paint. You'll find such snot-covered gems like Joan saying, "The French Revolution could have been avoided if Louis XVI had given the people a reason to celebrate," to which her little boy toy answers, "Don't forget what happened to Marie Antoinette."
And don't expect corny dialogue to rule the day, either. "Berserk!" is cut with scenes from actual circus performances that have nothing to do with the plot other than, well, they're circus performances. When I watched this movie, I felt like I was flipping back and forth between a Joan Crawford B-Movie and 1960s stock footage of Ringling Brothers. In fact, I bet if all the unnecessary juggling, tightrope walking and elephant riding shots were cut, "Berserk" would probably be about 20 minutes long.
I'm not going to give the ending away per se, but I am going to give you a big clue. So if you're that intent on watching "Berserk!" to see who the mysterious killer of circus acts is, then I give you permission to leave.
The No. 1 reason "Berserk!" was chosen as the Fabutrash Pick of the Week is because of the killer and the killer's motive.
I suspect screenplay writers Aben Kandel and Herman Cohen saw William Castle's "Strait-Jacket," which also starred Joan Crawford, and thought: "Wow! I didn't see that coming! Hey, I've got an idea! Let's do the exact same thing with the exact same character."
Yup. If you've seen "Strait-Jacket," then you'll see how "Berserk" has, well, the same ending, only with a far less plausible and far more ridiculous motive.
I'm rating "Berserk" 2 1/2 out of 5 Fabutrashes for being fabulously kitschy. I'd give it more if it weren't for all the unnecessary elephant ass shots.
Do you have any suggestions for Fabutrash Films? Let us know! "Like" our Facebook page and post suggestions to our wall, and follow us on Twitter and use the hashtag #FabutrashSuggestions.
"The Skewed Review" is independent and does not receive endorsements. The creators of "Risk" have not contacted, nor been contacted by, The Skewed Review editorial staff. This review is the opinion of TSR's writers and is not a paid promotion. Those interested in listening to "Risk!" can click the photo to be taken to its iTunes listing.
You know that story about the time you did that thing to that person in that place?
You know, that story. It's the story you wouldn't tell your best friend because it's that embarrassing. Or maybe it's a story that brings up so much emotion that you can't bring yourself to tell someone else. Or maybe it's a story that you just don't think anyone else would be interested in.
No matter how bizarre your life experiences are, there's always someone who experiences something equally as unusual. That's why I've found a new love in the form of the podcast, "RISK! True tales, boldly told."
This podcast, part of MaximumFun.org's lineup, features a collection of different people telling funny, creepy, awe-inspiring, awkward, explicit and often x-rated true stories.
It's sort of like "This American Life" on NPR, only 10 times better because the storytellers actually swear and go into seriously graphic details when it comes to sexual exploitations.
Before I really started listening to this podcast, I assumed it would be a lot of recounting of life experiences that would make my drug- and sex-addled life tame in comparison. But in all actuality, it just made me realize that we all share similar journeys.
Of all the odd stories I've listened to, I've been able to relate to almost every single one.
This podcast offers a wide array of emotions in every episode. While you can expect to hear some seriously hilarious stuff, be forewarned that there's emotional anecdotes, too. You could be laughing your ass off at one moment and then choking back tears the next.
I think this is the most humanizing podcast I've ever listened to. I definitely recommend you listen to just a few episodes. Look for the "Live At" episodes; they're the ones that will make you laugh the most. The "Best Of" episodes are a great springboard into the series, as well.
I'm rating "Risk! True Tales Boldly Told" with four out of five FABS for being not only hilarious, but also for bringing reality to the podcasting realm in a way that makes me feel like a normal person.
Some may say "The Godfather Part II" is the best sequel of all time. Well, I beg to differ.
OK, so when I say "best," you know I mean "so horrible that it's the most wonderful thing in the world." That sequel comes in the form of the 1981 gem, "Shock Treatment."
The story follows Brad and Janet Majors, who apparently got married despite all the cross dressing, cannibalistic, gay alien monster sex they endured/enjoyed in 1975's "Rocky Horror Picture Show."
Well, the night of sweet transvestites and time warping must have had some effect because "Shock Treatment" shows the married couple in trouble--and looking for help.
So who else would they turn to than the local television studio? In almost a decade before reality TV became, well, a reality, "Shock Treatment" puts a whole town inside a studio and turns the camera on them as they eat, sleep, sing and make generally racist remarks ("Your father doesn't like Mexicans!).
And the whole cast from "Rocky Horror" returns! Well, except for Tim Curry, Barry Bostwick, Susan Sarandon and Meatloaf, of course. But hey, Richard O'Brien, Patricia Quinn, Nell Campbell and Charles Gray all make their returns--and none of them are playing the same role. Or are they?
Only diehard "Rocky Horror" fans will see the connection between O'Brien & Quinn's roles as Drs. Cosmo and Nation McKinley and their RHPS characters of Riff Raff and Magenta. The two play "character actors" who had a "series" in another country, and their little "groupie" Nurse Ansalong bears a quirky resemblance to Columbia.
But all that aside, it's the horribly wonderful story I like to focus on.
The plot is so convoluted that even Gregory Maguire would call for some clarification. (If you don't know who Gregory Maguire is, then count yourself lucky. If you're just that curious, please feel free to read my review on his awful, awful, awful books.)
Brad and Janet need counseling. So they go to a television show. But the television show is really just a ruse. But the ruse is also a ruse. And... what the HELL is going on? Oh well, at least it's full of catchy tunes like "Me" and "Little Black Dress!"
This film is the epitome of unintentional kitsch and accidental bad taste. It's wonderful. I'm rating it five out of five fabutrashes! Good job Ricky O'Brien! I'm crossing my fingers for a trilogy before you die!
