I'm addicted to HRF.
HRF, or Hollywood Royalty Fabutrash, is a drug that comes in the form of most wonderful actors' and actresses' attempts at staying relevant in their twilight years. This drug is usually produced by actors who love their art so much that they continue to take on roles, even if those roles are in campy and poorly-written whodunnits like "Berserk!"
And, ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Ms. Joan Crawford is one of the leading producers of HRF. Crawford is cemented into American culture because she was, indeed, a prodigious actress in her time, and titles like "Mildred Pierce" and "Grand Hotel" will live on in infamy.
And she even managed to crank out some pretty successful films in her later years. Just because she got old doesn't mean she got tired. I mean, look at "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" I personally think that's one of her best films and one of the greatest films of all time.
But enough about my hard-on for Joan. I want to get into the meat of this particular Fabutrash pick of the Week: "Berserk!"
The film follows the ringmaster of a travelling circus, played by Crawford. She's a whip-cracking task master to boot, and costume designer Jay Hutchinson Scott was obviously tasked with trying to make an aging Joan Crawford look sexy by putting her in some sort of Beyonce "Single Ladies" leotard that really accentuated Joan's huge head and mismatched petit body. Scott definitely failed. But this isn't about the costumes.
Crawford's character Monica Rivers is sort of down on her luck. Her show isn't doing that well and she's grasping at straws (or whips) to find some way to increase audience numbers. Then, people in her circus start dying.
As the saying goes, sex sells. But since live sex acts weren't about to be a part of Monica Rivers' circus (those would be performed with her young-enough-to-be-her-grandson boy toy behind closed doors), then I guess bizarre acts of violence had to take center ring, as it were.
But who's responsible for killing the circus performers while they're performing? Is it Monica Rivers' little sex slave? Is it the sex slave's jealous admirer? (That bitch!) Is it Monica herself?
All we know is someone is killing circus performers, and there's about a dozen suspects with just as many motives.
Now, this premise on its own actually isn't that bad. But the script, oh the script, makes "Berserk!" a piece of Hollywood trash that's been haphazardly frothed with gold spray paint. You'll find such snot-covered gems like Joan saying, "The French Revolution could have been avoided if Louis XVI had given the people a reason to celebrate," to which her little boy toy answers, "Don't forget what happened to Marie Antoinette."
And don't expect corny dialogue to rule the day, either. "Berserk!" is cut with scenes from actual circus performances that have nothing to do with the plot other than, well, they're circus performances. When I watched this movie, I felt like I was flipping back and forth between a Joan Crawford B-Movie and 1960s stock footage of Ringling Brothers. In fact, I bet if all the unnecessary juggling, tightrope walking and elephant riding shots were cut, "Berserk" would probably be about 20 minutes long.
I'm not going to give the ending away per se, but I am going to give you a big clue. So if you're that intent on watching "Berserk!" to see who the mysterious killer of circus acts is, then I give you permission to leave.
The No. 1 reason "Berserk!" was chosen as the Fabutrash Pick of the Week is because of the killer and the killer's motive.
I suspect screenplay writers Aben Kandel and Herman Cohen saw William Castle's "Strait-Jacket," which also starred Joan Crawford, and thought: "Wow! I didn't see that coming! Hey, I've got an idea! Let's do the exact same thing with the exact same character."
Yup. If you've seen "Strait-Jacket," then you'll see how "Berserk" has, well, the same ending, only with a far less plausible and far more ridiculous motive.
I'm rating "Berserk" 2 1/2 out of 5 Fabutrashes for being fabulously kitschy. I'd give it more if it weren't for all the unnecessary elephant ass shots.
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