THE SKEWED REVIEW -- In honor of Christmas, I’ve got 12 little Skewed Reviews for you. I’ll keep it simple by presenting the subject and the subsequent rating. Merry Christmas!
Kim Kardashian: $12 million of her own money donated to a group dedicated to Keeping the Klueless from taking their marriages for granted. There are thousands of us who wish we could marry, but we don’t get that right.
Dixie Serves: 11 grateful pats on the back and a little whisper in the ear. I’ll play Jiminy Cricket here and say: “I’m loving the concept, guys! Is there any way we can go beyond property beautification and cardboard campouts? Let’s feed the hungry and give some less fortunate children a Christmas!”
Occupy Wall Street: Ten good reasons why exactly you’re protesting. And they’d better be cohesive from state to state. I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of you don’t even know what your goal is.
The Jeffery R. Holland Centennial Commons Building: Nine rounds of applause for the expedience of the project. However, it also gets nine audible “mehs” because of the missed opportunity for a really awesome architectural design.
The Republicans: Eight eliminations of presidential candidates, please!
Red Rock Café: Seven menu additions. Can we have some options besides a salad bar that are actually good for us? Heaven forbid we eat anything that hasn’t been deep-fried or covered in cheese.
Those who suddenly oppose the Lake Powell pipeline: A six-year rewind. Why are you so into it now? This pipeline was in the planning stage years ago, and a hefty portion of it has already been built. Where were you at the beginning, huh?
St. George City Council: Five new members! Local politicians are like underwear. After a while, they start to stink and make you feel uncomfortable—so you’re supposed to change them.
Barack Obama: Four more years—as far away from the White House as possible.
The Spectrum: Three cheers for its charging local people to read the online content. You could pay $9.99 per month to read The Spectrum's opinion page, or you could just read "The Skewed Review," which is free. It’s up to you and your hard-earned money.
The United States so-called Super Committee: $2 trillion cut from the U.S. deficit. What’s that you say? You’ve already tried and failed? Well it looks like we’ve all voted for the right people to keep us on the track to destruction, I guess.
You: One more year of all this nonsense. Maybe by the time the world ends on Dec. 21, 2012, we will have our acts together and “The Skewed Review” will become obsolete. Hopefully by then the world will be wonderful enough that I’ll have nothing to complain about.
No comments:
Post a Comment